January 19, 2005
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Chapter 8 – Flower Children (cont.)
(See sidebar for previous chaptersBarreling down the road of least resistance, I connected with the Florence Crittendon Home for unwed mothers, which helped me get registered at UC Hospital and hook up with one specific doctor there. That same month, the Episcopal Diocese called me back to work again and agreed to keep me on until the baby was born. I made up a story for them that my husband was in Vietnam and I hauled my belly up the hill on the bus each day alone. And although I hadn’t been devastated to see him go, I began to miss Felix. The plan became that we would live together again when he returned. I was very healthy through this time with the help of the popular Adele Davis diet that was strong on liver and wheat germ and brewer’s yeast and vegetables. Slowly, I began saving all the money for the birth. During this summer word from home was that my dad had gone back to school to obtain a license to be an employment counselor after years away from any educational endeavors. He had to live away from home and it was a really hard time for him as well. By July, when I turned 26, my baby had begun kicking hard. In a diary, I wrote at the end of that August, “I feel so alone, working on and on, trying to plan without knowing if my child will have any kind of a father at all, even a very young and irresponsible one. I can only wait in complete ignorance of the future, except for the reality of being huge with child. Can anything explain or reconcile to me the solitariness of these months which could have been the most beautiful of my life.” Felix was far away and sending only occasional postcards. I was becoming frightened, angry and bitter. (to be continued tomorrow)
Deep Thought: “If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness.”
Today I am grateful for: Bouncing from brrr to balmy in Portand
Guess the Movie: “They say the number one killer of old people is retirement. People got ‘em a job to do, they tend to live a little longer so they can do it. I’ve always figured warriors and their enemies share the same relationship. So, now you ain’t gonna hafta face your enemy on the battlefield no more, which “R” are you filled with: Relief or Regret?” Answer: Kill Bill, Volume 2
Winner: tikhead.
What’s the Point of Protest?
After two years of massive public demonstrations, the war’s still on and Bush will be inaugurated again.
by Karen Loew
Disheartened liberals dreading the upcoming presidential inauguration after an extraordinary period of progressive activism that still failed to defeat George W. Bush can probably be forgiven for any lack of enthusiasm about the planned die-ins, congo blocs, punk rock balls, white ribbons, hacktivism, postering, and mock secessions and funerals that comprise their side’s “counter-inaugural” on Inauguration Day, this Thursday. In the face of the brawny, insatiable, all-business Republican machine, there is cause to wonder: what’s the point? (Rest of article here.)
End of Day: 8:13 pm
+ = Barbara Boxer, who wasn’t afraid to ask the tough questions.
- = They confirmed Condy anyway – big surprise.
Comments (12)
The “aloneness” drips through this brilliantly. Amazing the things we can get ourselves through (hard as they may be) when we have to get ourselves through them. There must be a lesson there.
Indeed, I have no idea how I survived my life emotionally except for just being born with nerves all over the outside and a spine of steel. I wouldn’t be the person I am today, I suspect, if I had not been challenged.
What a scary time, but I agree with your comment to thenarrator. I can’t wait to read more.
It’s been awhile since I’ve stopped by, but Ira said “Lionne is pregnant” and I almost fell off my chair.
It’s amazing to me how, when things seem dark, something always finds us (the home, the job) just in the nick of time.
That’s what I thought when I read this entry.
Having your first child is in itself, a frightening life-altering event, but to be without the comfort of someone who loves and supports you during pregnancy must have been very difficult. I remember how freaked out I felt when I got pregnant the first time. I read every book in the library trying to find a few tools to help me get through it. I’m a little over-imaginative and analytical…the down side of being creative, I guess. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It’s very interesting reading.
Kill Bill Vol. 2
Whew — that’s some tale to mull over! I’m so glad I know it turned out…..well, it turned out. How it turned out, I’ll definitely be back to see.
just surfin’ different blogrings … enjoyed the visit … stop by, when you get the chance, and let me know what you think of my site
tikhead is on the money!
the story contiues to keap me on the edge of my seat.
the peace section asks what is the piont? the piont is to show him that not all willingly follow him to war, not all relish the idea of death and distruction, and not all want him around any more.
thank you for the coment
Bennett
…I want to scream at him and hug you, all these years later…how you did it, who knows, but some deep, strong love in there…do I want to reveal that I do know, a tiny little, what it’s like being ‘abandoned’ by the father of your child while pregnant, only with me it happened in our home with our second ‘unexpected’ which he wanted to have nothing to do with, not me, not her, wouldn’t even hold her for her first year of life, and now he adores her, but that’s how it is…where we find our strength in times like these, I don’t know, but we do… xo
The anguish and questioning are familiar. My last-born (13) has no true father. Moved away from him, into my father’s apt. Helping him took my mind off of fears and turning inward.