October 7, 2004
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Chapter 7 – Felix (cont.)
Previous chapters sidebar autobiographyI had planned to write a chapter for each five-year period of my life. This is the first exception. This year took more of my strength than any other year of my life. All of my childhood and adolescence, I had been programmed to believe I was fragile – or at least that the world was a place to navigate with extreme caution. Felix was not remarkable for being gentle or thoughtful or meditative. He electrified, bolted, dashed, gesticulated, leapt. He shone. He had his own very complex childhood scars about which I knew little and later he would become a full-fledged heroin addict before his death. Somehow fittingly, he ended his life not as a painter but as an internationally famous tattoo artist. When he was gone from my life later on, I did not regret the loss of his presence after the first excruciating weeks, but I left behind with him the part of me that would pull out all the stops, follow anywhere, totally adore, hold nothing back. Other loves later were probably more mature, but none were so naked and complete. For a shy farm girl, I had ventured almost farther out along the borderline than I could make it back – but our connection was not yet broken because our fate was to have a child. The next five years would find us in the Haight-Ashbury where both my children were born.
(to be continued)
Deep Thought: Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows; but without that noise.
Today I am grateful for: Free recycling pick-up
Guess the Movie: “Nobody’s looking for a puppeteer in today’s wintry economic climate.” Answer: Being John Malkovich, 1999
Polls Today: Kerry 253/Bush 264 EVP: “Kerry’s post-debate surge is continuing, with him taking the lead in Pennsylvania according to polls from West Chester University, Survey USA, and Franklin and Marshall college. Neither candidate now has the 270 electoral votes needed to win, and many of the states are statistical ties. Michigan and New Hampshire are exact ties. If Kerry wins Michigan and Bush wins New Hampshire, then Kerry wins the election 270-268. “
End of Day: 9:03 pm
+ = Tomorrow will be the last page for my current chapter and I’ve so much appreciated everybody’s encouragement – it adds to the joyfulness of writing.
- = Can you believe another little piece of filling fell out of my tooth today – I think I’ll just bring my sleeping bag and camp at the dentist.
Comments (14)
are there borders we cross from beyond which we can’t return? I think so, though it doesn’t mean we can’t move into other places, going around the world the long way, so to speak.
As always, I’m fascinated, and I love to “hear” you tell your tales.
I have seen folks cross the borders of sanity and not return – especially in the upcoming Haight-Ashbury times of my history, but in my case I remained here – possibly a little crippled but also strengthened. For some reason, I am reminded of the journey in Angels in America of “the prophet” in his delerium up the fiery ladder to some version of heaven where he chooses to return to try life.
Wow. Just wow. You are a fabulous writer, with a life to write about! I do hope you turn these pieces into a book…
Oh, that painting – on such fragile paper, such bold colours, so raw with emotion, so pure with spirit, says it all too…
I followed the tattoing link you provided and from that learned that your daughter designed a website for this family of tattoo artist and took a picture with him in 1990, that his son philip or filip looks very much like him, and that the family had traveled all around the world, going back to the balearic island of Ibiza at least once. It makes me wonder if he was highly popular with the Japanese Yakuza because I have heard that the gang members place a tattoo on their bodies after each killing. I think the tattoos his family does are beautiful.
You are going way too quickly with your story. The imagery is wonderful. Pushing right up to the limit of our beingness is so chaotic always, but especially when we are younger. The 60′s were about extending personal boundries, going to the edge and finding out what our personal quests and questions were. Slow down please.
Merrow, you are a bright one. Yes, my beautiful daughter did create a site for him. There will be more of her story in chapters to come. She has a xanga site, by the way at http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=turtle_dove. She herself got tattoos from both her father and her stepbrother Filip. Big ones.
I’ve been asked several times to embellish more and I can only say that one day I will when I’ve managed to bring the bones of the story up to date. Thanks for asking.
I’ll agree; I’d like to read more. At the same time, I really like your spare style. Thanks again for sharing and looking forward to future chapters.
the debate on Friday and domestic issues should help Kerry…will see…good chapter…
Those chaotic relationships where we throw our all into them are hard to completely recover from. I don’t know if I will ever have another like one I had either.
this is all so beautiful! I’m going to have to do a lot of reading before these last couple of entries lol.
did you see the eruptions today? Wow, lots of ash everywhere!!
Our pharmacy put up a note today that only people over 65, kids and health care workers could get flu shots. So, now I don’t have to try and decide whether I get one. I won’t get the opportunity this year.
This is fascinating. You are wonderful with words.
Love hearing these tales. Your descriptions are so graphic, you can almost see Felix.