August 30, 2004
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Grace and Grit (cont.)
by Ken WilberWhen I last reported on this book, Treya Wilber had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was struggling, with her husband, Ken, to begin to deal with it. They had examined all the different interpretations that cultures give to cancer. In the end, this was Treya’s initial journal entry regarding her conclusions at the time of diagnosis. We’ll see what happens later on.:
I hadn’t even decided on a course of treatment yet, and this is what I was thinking about. I didn’t want to simply treat the disease and then relegate it to some dark closet in my life I hoped I’d never have to open or do anything about. Cancer would certainly be a part of my life from now on, but not simply in terms of constant checkups or constant awareness of the possibility of a recurrence. I was going to use it in as many ways as possible. Philosophically, to get me to look at death more closely, to help me prepare to die when the time came, to look at the meaning and purpose of my life. Spiritually, to rekindle my interest in finding and following a contemplative path, one that is at least generally suitable to me and stop delaying by looking for the perfect one. Psychologically, to be kinder and more loving to myself and others, to express my anger more easily, to lower my defenses against intimacy and my tendency to retreat into myself. Materially, to eat mainly fresh, well-washed, and whole foods and to start exercising again. And most of all, to be gentle with myself about meeting or not meeting those goals.
Good ideas for anyone to chew on, I think.
Deep Thought: What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? To me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ol’ U.S. of A.
Today I am grateful for: Every damn one of those thousands of protestors in New York City
Guess the movie: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.” Answer: Blade Runner, 1982
End of Day – 9:46 pm
+ = Rescued a lost dog today because he had a collar on and I could call the owner.
- = The West Nile virus has finally reached Oregon. No humans sick yet.
Comments (6)
now imagine if they all voted…that would be something to be grateful for…
She was probably always the way she describes herself moving towards, that’s what I’ve witnessed, really beautiful people trying even harder to be more perfect, to relate better, to eat better, to do everything better, because deep down they feel they’re at fault somehow, and I read that even here in her beautiful, giving words, and wish she could have let go more, accepted her own loving nature and her own efforts and understood that cancer isn’t something you cause by your thoughts or your lifestyle, not necessarily, maybe a predisposition towards it, but it just happens to some people, and some people heal from it and others don’t, and it’s no one’s fault.
She and her husband looked at that issue – feeling at fault. I think she is rather just trying to look at the cancer as an opportunity for growth in these areas with the hopeful side effect of aiding treatment of the disease. I hope I would have enough energy to do the same if I were in this situation rather than slump into despair. It seems like regardless of what causes cancer, a positive outlook can only help.
re: the deep thought: I had a friend who crafted this version: “knock off all your romantic slobbering about the existence of a sixth sense. In fact there are only two senses: awake and asleep.”
Long term illness can sap us emotionally and spiritually. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live with cancer, but I certainly know what it’s like to live with dispair.
Treya ”got” the real reason for having the disease and has made and will make a difference in people’s lives because of it.