June 6, 2004
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THINGS THAT REFRESH MY SOULOutsiders
From the time I was the age of this photo I’ve been trying to form families and groups and clubs of one sort or another and to this day I still feel like an Outsider pretty much wherever I am. I’ve given up trying to figure out why. It probably didn’t help to be an only child growing up on a farm where I had huge amounts of alone time, having parents who were politically radical to the point of being in danger, being skipped over second grade, being taller and smarter than most till my 20′s, leaving my one marriage at 23 and never finding another, having two children by men who wouldn’t marry me, and becoming an addict who didn’t get to Recovery till age 45 (some 20 years ago). Today, besides my Recovery groups, I belong to three different women’s groups, a gym, a job where I’ve been for 19 years, a neighborhood where I’ ve lived for 10 years, an online forum I created for women my age, my blood family consisting of two grown children and two grandchildren, and of course Xanga. And I still feel like an Outsider. So I’m thinking maybe the main group I belong inside of is the group of Outsiders. And don’t think I’m not glad they’re out there. When I see or hear of them, I cheer them on. I don’t even have to agree with them. Go Michael Moore! Right on Ralph Nader! Rest in peace Aileen Wuornos! Try again next year Smarty Jones and Tiger Woods! Bravo Ellen DeGeneres, Roseanne, and Whoopi! And the thing is, the true Outsiders are the ones you never hear of. Look around you any day out there and you’ll see us. We’re the ones not quite fitting in.
Deep Thought: One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.
Today I am grateful for: Sharp knives
Comments (11)
What a sweet picture…
I’m sure everyone feels like an outsider at times. Look at all the ways you’ve been inclusive especially in starting an on-line forum for women. I guess I realize the older I get that each person around me needs attention and love. So I try to focus myself totally on them for a few minutes and try not to get in my two cents. It hasn’t been a natural skill but I’m trying at this point in time to sharpen my skills in this area. I think about the women who made a huge difference in my life when I was young and it was the very, very few who actually took time to hear what I had to say and care about me in the process… I guess that’s why I decided to try to be that kind of woman at this stage of life.
Amen….I can relate…I was tall, shy, and my childhood was protected. I was raised in a small town and in no way was prepared for the world at large. My first hubby was abusive and after two kids and seven years I left him in the middle of the night (4 months pregnant with our third child) to join a religious group. Shortly after which I lost custody of the two oldest kids.
I have six kids…three different fathers. Luckily I have settled down with a wonderful man and have four precious grandkids.
I overcame alchohol dependence on my own….no credit to me, however, but thanks to my daughters who finally opened my eyes.
Blessings to you.
So, when outsiders become friends with other outsiders are they then inside out(siders)?
–Elaine
you are right..there are some guys who are nurturing…my son in law is like that…..
The ones with an edge…
Great pic.
The graduation thing has me thinking a lot about outsiders, I’ve been observing the kids on the fringe and feeling bad for them. I’m so thankful that my girls are physically whole, self confident and not a bit shy.
I don’t know if you read TooOldforThis but she’s a woman that knows the joy of sports and writes about it really well.
The ache of feeling “other than” is one of the most
Usually, the broader that thread, the more interesting the person, and the more I enjoy their company. What is that?
poignant I”ve ever known. Poignant and pervasive and perpetual. I’ve given up escaping it. It is. Simple as that. I do suspect, however, that it is universal to the human condition — or nearly so. As I spend time listening to the stories of others, I seem to discover this particular thread running through the lives of each and every one of us.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful pic and your story.
–The Smart Fat Kid with Braces Whose Dad Took Them To School Everyday In A Taxi
** it was like having a hate me sign taped to my back
You’re scaring me. First the Deep thought and then what you are thankful for…. LOL!
Another Outsider here. There are lots of us.
Oh, and please, please, for this country’s sake, do not waste your vote on Ralph this time around. I really like what Ralph has to say, but a vote for Ralph is a vote for Bush. Don’t make me beg.
Oh don’t worry. I totally agree. I was just mentioning him as an example of someone on the fringe.