April 7, 2007
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SATURDAY BIO (cont.)
(Previous chapters here)Jane
started junior high in 1976 at Western View (which I just discovered
was immortalized in the 2004 movie, The Incredibles, by its writer who
once went there too). Neither of us can remember anything about it. In
the families of drinkers, there is a well known hierarchy of roles: (1)
chief enabler – spouse or parent; (2) hero child – tries to give the
family self-worth by over achieving; (3) scapegoat – since the hero
child has that role locked up, gets the family to focus in destructive
ways (being stubborn, acting out); (4) lost child – stays under the
radar to provide relief; and (5) the mascot – uses humor to survive and
lighten the damn family up. They say an addict of any kind is like a
prizefighter who keeps getting knocked down but continues to get back
in the ring. The family and friends close to that person all fall
together until one day something happens and the addict gives up the
fight. Then the falling of all of them can end.So Jane kept her
nose to the grindstone academically, Josh turned his focus to excelling
in sports and before long would find ways to get in scrapes, and I
continued to plummet. It was kind of like having an autoimmune disease
where the body attacks itself. It was part of the very beginning of a
reach for help that I’d made the decision to return to live so near my
parents because, while they enabled me to postpone the inevitable, they
also helped to keep my children safer than I could have on my own. (to be continued next post)
Deep Thought:
“One day a beaver and a termite were walking down the road together. ‘I
can eat through a tree with my teeth,’ said the beaver. ‘That’s
nothing,’ said the termite, ‘I can burrow through a tree.’ Then they
heard a voice behind them. ‘You two think you’re so smart, but you’re
nothing!’ It was a bitter old drunk lady.”
Today I am grateful for: Spring
Guess the Movie: “It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage.” Answer – Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981. Winner: thenarrator.
Iraq War Protester Cindy Sheehan Marches to Bush’s Ranch
by Steve Holland
CRAWFORD,
Texas – Iraq war protester Cindy Sheehan urged President George W. Bush
to “end this madness” in Iraq on Friday in a march toward Bush’s ranch.
Sheehan, a vocal protester of the war since her soldier son, Casey, was
killed in Iraq in 2004, also expressed disappointment with Democrats in
charge of the U.S. Congress for failing to stop the war. (Rest of
article here.)
Comments (17)
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Your analogies here (or are they metaphors?) are brilliant, and the insights? well, they come later, though sometimes our survival skills surprise us.
Thanks for your thoughts on the Good Friday post – I really appreciated…
Yes, it is a sad situation… I guess since I only have one child he has had to play all those roles, and I thank God for my mother who provided him with stability when I couldn’t.
Someone always beats me to the movie… alas and alack.
Hugs, Tricia
Raiders of the Lost Ark it is, faithful reader. And don’t we all feel the mileage some days?
thanks for sharing your journey. it’s insightful to read and experience through your writings.
Thanks for sharing. I think it is good to be able to share your story with others. I’ve shared only bits and pieces of my post in the protected side of my posts. Growing up was pretty hard in my family.
*sparkle
I get it. I don’t get the “family support” aspect, but as for the rest, I get it; both as a survivor and as a perpetrator.
good to see the bio is still coming on a regular basis…i do like these posts! *wink*
I just wanted you to know I have been reading quietly. My family of origin wasn’t necessarliy defined by alcohol, but we were broken. Addiction and codependancy take on so many forms. I understand and empathize
“Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen!”
heh, Mean Girls was a fun movie.
RYC: I had mono in college as well. Some doctors say you can get it more than once and others say you can’t.
*sparkle
That photo you selected is perfect.
They say an addict of any kind is like a prizefighter who keeps getting knocked down but continues to get back in the ring.
Living in NYC, you could always tell which ones were on heroin cos they were the ones who never, NEVER fell all the way to the ground. They would bend their knees a little as they walked very slowly, or squat down really low very close to the ground/sidewalk with one arm sticking out for balance or a finger on the sidewalk to keep them from falling – but they never made it all the way down…
(((hugs)))
ryc: Sorry if I wasn’t clear.. I understand everything. You mentioned that your parents gave you a hand and that’s the part that I’m not familiar with. I understand how having help could have prolonged things though. Looking fwd to your next installment.
My addictive personality will be the death of me yet. Fortunately, it’s usually stuff like golf and Scrabble and Xanga and other non-physical things. I never cease to be grateful for the fact that you survived, because I’d be so much poorer if YOU weren’t around for me to be addicted to.
yes I can relate to many roles and to the addict also. My family has the most wonderfully creative genetic wealth, and a very hefty dose of addiction nearly in equal dose.
hugs and blessings to you and yours !!
Doris
Your writing is evocative, your story compelling. I confess to having skimmed earlier, but have reread earlier chapters with more attention, since you’ve released this late flurry of posts. I’m a patient captive (captive patient?), eagerly awaiting the continuation.
I seem to have followed your wanderings, although I believe the closest we were to crossing paths was Europe in 1962, when you were travelling to Moscow, and I, a displaced teenager, arrived in Switzerland for schooling. Other near misses by locale, but separated by years, in Oregon, SF and Marin.
All indications are that you live in or near Portland, yet your “Xanga time zone” is Hawaii. Are you posting from paradise, or perhaps there’s a setting that’s offset?
I’m not sure what type of children me and my sister were when dad had an addiction to alcohol….those are a lot of roles to fill up!