Month: December 2006

  • polarSUNDAY GOOD NEWS

    First
    of all, Happy New Year to everyone! And be safe tonight. It’s actually
    my favorite holiday – no gifts to buy, no house to clean, no
    decorations to put up and take down, no big meals to cook. Just a brand
    new leaf to turn over – all bright and shiny.

    As for the good
    news, in this last week of 2006, the Interior Department
    proposed making polar bears an endangered species due to the speed of
    ice melting going on in their Arctic home. Maybe you heard how a
    40-foot-square ice shelf just broke off up there the other day. See,
    polar bears have to be able to have enough land to hunt on without
    falling into water every five steps. Duh. Interior Secretary Kempthorne
    isn’t copping to having any say about global warming though. That’s not
    his job. But gosh darn it, it’s pretty hard to get around presenting
    the real reason in the proposal backed up with science. Kind of puts
    everybody involved between a rock and a hard place. Well, the I.D. has
    a year to make a final determination and a recovery plan. Absurd to
    picture the plan not involving manmade emissions of heat-trapping
    gases. Three environmental groups, including Greenpeace had to sue the
    I.D. in 2005 to get it to move this far. There are only about 25,000
    polar bears left in the world at this point and dropping fast. So it
    will be interesting to see if the I.D. comes down on the side of the
    new oil and gas drilling it’s proposed up there or on the side of this
    gorgeous animal – money vs. bear – money, bear, money, bear, money,
    bear. Stay tuned.

    Deep Thought: “I bet a
    fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to
    be an eclipse and tell the cave men, ‘If I have come to destroy you,
    may the sun be blotted out from the sky.’ Just then the eclipse would
    start, and they’d probably try to kill you or something, but then you
    could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone
    would get a good laugh.”
    Today I am grateful for: Sense and sensibility
    Guess the Movie:
    “Take a look at yourself here in a worn-out Mardi Gras outfit, rented
    for 50 cents from some rag-picker. And with a crazy crown on. Now what
    kind of a queen do you think you are? Do you know that I’ve been on to
    you from the start, and not once did you pull the wool over this boy’s
    eyes? You come in here and you sprinkle the place with powder and you
    spray perfume and you stick a paper lantern over the light bulb – and,
    lo and behold, the place has turned to Egypt and you are the Queen of
    the Nile, sitting on your throne, swilling down my liquor. And do you
    know what I say? Ha ha! Do you hear me? Ha ha ha!”  Answer:  A Streetcar Named Desire.  Winner:  thenarrator.
    Silencing Saddam
    by Robert Scheer
    It
    is a very frightening precedent that the United States can invade a
    country on false pretenses, depose its leader and summarily execute him
    without an international trial or appeals process. This is about
    vengeance, not justice, for if it were the latter the existing
    international norms would have been observed. The trial should have
    been overseen by the World Court, in a country that could have
    guaranteed the safety of defense lawyers, who, in this case, were
    killed or otherwise intimidated. (Rest of article here.)

  • MONDAY READING

    Hope everyone is having a holiday that fits them warmly and well. 
    Here are two items sent to me over the past week that toast the
    season.  Click here and you’ll find a link for Christmas
    music among others.  And here’s one called Totally Politically
    Correct, which if you’ve ever worked in an office anywhere at this time
    of year you can relate to:

    FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO:         All Employees

    DATE:    October 01, 2003

    RE:         Christmas Party

    I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
    place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at
    the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll
    have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along.
    And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
    can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
    make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is
    only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that
    time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty

    FROM:    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO:         All Employees

    DATE:    October 02, 2003

    RE:         Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    employees.  We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
    which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
    year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The
    same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
    those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas
    tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of
    music for your enjoyment.
    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty

    FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO:        All Employees

    DATE:   October 03, 2003

    RE:        Holiday Party
    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m
    happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
    reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
    to handle this?
    Somebody?
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
    the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives
    believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
    NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

    FROM:  Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    To:        All Employees

    DATE:   October 04, 2003

    RE:        Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
    a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
    employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
    your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for
    you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest
    to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do
    not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes,
    there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person
    asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We
    will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
    available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
    food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
    first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
    restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?!?!?
    Patty

    FROM:   Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO:         All F*cking Employees

    DATE:    October  05, 2003

    RE:         The F*cking Holiday Party
    Vegetarian pr*cks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep
    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
    sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so
    quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*cking salad bar, including
    organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
    scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them
    scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and
    die,
    The B*tch from H*LL!!!!!!!!

    FROM:  Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

    DATE:   October  06, 2003

    RE:        Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
    management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone
    the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Deep Thought:   “I
    think there should be something in science called the “reindeer
    effect.” I don’t know what it would be, but I think it’d be good to
    hear someone say, “Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example
    of the reindeer effect.”
    Today I am grateful for:  Senior discounts
    Guess the Movie:  “Dare we
    dream of a golden day when the bestial War shall rule no more. But
    instead – the gentle Prince in the Hall of Brotherly Love in the City
    of Peace.”  Answer:  The Birth of a Nation, 1915.  Winner:  thenarrator.
    Es-Ka-LAY-Shun

    by Christopher Hayes
    Say it: escalation. More and more that’s what the geniuses in
    Washington have come up with as a way of ending the war in Iraq.
    Instead of calling it an escalation of the war, they are using the
    military term of art, “surge.” Ok, fine. Surge, escalation, “reset”,
    call it what you will. The fact is that the American people voted in
    November to end the war in Iraq, and the White House has demonstrated
    that, kabuki-style consultations to the contrary, it just doesn’t
    care.  (Rest of article here.)

  • queen WEDNESDAY MOVIE

    The Queen

    Most
    of us folks here in the colonies got to know Helen Mirren in her role
    as Inspector Jane Tennison in the wonderful British series Prime
    Suspect, having risen to 54-year-old Detective Superintendent at the
    London Metropolitcan Police by “Prime Suspect 6.” This is not only a
    highly respected actress but a woman who puts the “m” in
    middle-aged-babe-ilicious. Sexy and smart she skewers her way through
    the male
    police population like a knife through butter. Well….in The Queen the
    skewering part is still fully functional, except in this case it’s all
    tricked out in the incredibly dowdy but royal costume of helen
    the most powerful woman in England. With a little emphasis on double
    chin and an excellent silver wig, Helen Mirren disappears into Queen
    Elizabeth II as she copes with the death of Princess Diana in 1997, the
    same year that Tony Blair was elected by a landslide as Prime Minister.
    Elizabeth had ruled through nine Prime Ministers before Blair, and he
    was the first who was younger than her own children. Mirren is 61 now
    and is playing the Queen at 71 when all this happened. Blair is 27
    years younger than the Queen. So the film is really a character study
    of how these two dealt with each other and the national tragedy, how
    the withdrawal of the Royal Family from the public almost got them
    “fired” if it hadn’t been for Blair’s deft handling of the PR necessary
    to turn things around. It’s an all-British cast, most of them folks
    we’re just beginning to see in American films. There is actually very
    little about the accident that took Diana’s life or any fleshing out of
    the two boys she left behnd. It’s The Queen and the P.M. and the
    exquisite English countryside that will take your breath away. Don’t
    miss it.

    Deep Thought: “Many people do not
    realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides
    walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from
    the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten
    pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a
    kind of strainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see
    if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow.”
    Today I am grateful for: The great reception Rocky Balboa is getting, even though I probably won’t see it.
    Guess the Movie: “Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.”  Answer:  King Kong, 1933.  Winner:  RnBoWSPOT.
    US Considers Naval Build-up as Warning to Iran
    by Suzanne Goldenberg
    The
    Bush administration is weighing options for a naval build-up in the
    Gulf as a show of force and a warning to Iran on its nuclear programme
    and its support for Shia militias in Iraq, it emerged yesterday. (Rest
    of article here.)

  • yunusSUNDAY GOOD NEWS

    He
    has such a sweet face. These days when it seems like we’ve come to
    expect that every person who works in the world of money is a greedy
    corrupt son-of-a-gun you just have to wonder where does a guy like this
    come from. Bangladesh is a tiny independent country (since 1971) almost
    totally surrounded by India. Muhammed Yunus, now 66, was born in a
    village there to a father who was a jeweler. He was able to go to high
    school and graduated 16th out of 39,000 students in East Pakistan. He
    then got a BA and MA in economics at Dhaka University and joined the
    Bureau of Economics. In 1969 he acquired a PhD in economics from
    Vanderbilt University in the U.S. He returned to Bangladesh to teach
    economics at university. He got involved in fighting poverty during the
    famine of 1974 in Bangladesh. (Remember the Concert for Bangladesh back
    then given by Ravi Shankar and George Harrison et al?) Yunus got the
    brilliant idea that very small loans could make a huge difference to a
    poor person. His first loan was $27 out of his own pocket to the women
    of Jobra to make bamboo furniture. Later came the “telephone ladies”
    who borrow money to own a mobile phone and now provide service to 80%
    of villages in Bangladesh. A few years later, he founded the nonprofit
    Grameen Bank that has now issued more than $5.1 billion to 5.3 million
    borrowers. Together they received the Nobel Peace Prize today and
    already China has asked Dr. Yunus to try out the microcredit program
    there to see if it will work.  Sweet. (Read more about this remarkable man here.)

    Deep Thought:
    “Probably one of the main problems with owning a robot is when you want
    him to go out in the snow to get the paper, he doesn’t want to go
    because it’s so cold, so you have to get out your whip and start
    whipping him, and the kids start crying, and oh why did I ever get this
    stupid robot?”
    Today I am grateful for: Seaports
    Guess the Movie: “When two people love each other, they come together – WHAM – like two taxis on Broadway.”  Answer:  Rear Window, 1954.  Winner:  pray14me.
    Feingold’s Skepticism
    Editorial
    The
    Iraq Study Group report was greeted with a proper measure of skepticism
    by U.S. Sen. Russ Feingold, the Wisconsin Democrat who has been right
    from the start about the ill-thought-out invasion and occupation of
    Iraq.
    “I’m not buying the Washington embrace
    of this thing. … It’s time for us to have a clear plan to disengage
    in Iraq. This doesn’t do it,” declared Feingold, who notes that the
    report “leaves the strong possibility of an open-ended commitment.”
    (Rest of article here.)

  • hawkSUNDAY GOOD NEWS

    This
    just in from a BBC radio interview with Stephen Hawking, famous British
    scientist who published A Brief History of Time (which you can dip into
    here)
    in 1988 – packing our bags and getting the hell out of here and I mean
    off the planet is not only possible, but inevitable. And here’s the
    best part – he says propulsion like they used on Star Trek where you
    had the warp drive is how it would work. NASA has been working on this
    for years by the way. Hawking says nuclear war or asteroid collision
    (let alone global warming type stuff) could make long-term survival of
    humans impossible unless we could reach other solar systems with
    livable planets. It’s scientifically impossible to travel faster than
    light but S.H. believes people could eventually go just under that
    speed using matter-antimatter annihilation and reach the closest star
    in a time of about six years. Hawking is 64 now and has survived
    paralysis from a terrible neurological disorder since he was 21 and
    he’s optimistic enough to say his next goal is to go into space. It
    could be decades before we all get a chance to go, but in the meantime
    I’m going to hope that instead of getting drafted to go die in some war
    one day, my grandson (or his grandson) will get to say instead, “beam
    me up, Scotty, I’m coming home.”

    Deep Thought:
    ‘As the snow started to fall, he tugged his coat tighter around
    himself. Too tight, as it turned out. “This is the fourth coat crushing
    this year,” said the police sergeant as he outlined the body with a
    special pencil that writes on snow.’
    Today I am grateful for: Safe places
    Guess the Movie: “Hold my hand and we’re halfway there, hold my hand and I’ll take you there. Somehow! Someday!”  Answer:  West Side Story, 1961.  Winner:  buttermelon.
    Can Bush find an exit?
    December 3, 2006
    Time magazine cover story
    George
    Bush has a history of long-overdue U-turns. He waited until he woke up,
    hung over, one morning at 40 before giving up booze cold. He fought the
    idea of a homeland-security agency for eight months after 9/11 and then
    scampered aboard and called it his idea. (Rest of article here.)