Month: September 2004

  • Chapter 7 – Felix
    Previous chapters autobiography see sidebar

    There is only one time when we give it all away, the sorrow and the joy, the circle of the soul. Before this is practice, imagining, puzzles with pieces missing, and afterwards – approximations, sometimes beautiful, but compromises nonetheless.

    One August 1963 afternoon in the New York City apartment of a friend, the door flew open and a tall, lanky, long-fingered, big-knuckled, 18-year-old Swiss painter stepped into my heart. In the United States on a six-month visa, he had been traveling around the country and had the address of my friend to look up.Though it has been a good 40 years since that day, I can remember exactly the tone of his voice, the accent, the intensity that burst from him, and the smell of the unfiltered French Gauloises cigarettes he chainsmoked all his life (and which contributed to his death from throat cancer in 2002). He came out of a background full of European bohemians. His mother, Eva Aeppli, was an artist as well, her second marriage to the well-known metal sculptor, Jean Tinguely, ending in divorce that year. He spoke Swiss-German, French, and English and had spent the past several years in Paris.
    (to be continued)


    Deep Thought: It’s interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars.
    Today I am grateful for: Selective memory
    Guess the Movie: “Who told you to step on my sneakers, who told you to walk on my side of the block, who told you to be in my neighborhood?” Answer: Do The Right Thing, 1989. Winner merrow_mistral
    Polls Today Kerry 254/Bush 280 EVP says: “Today is D-day. The first debate is tonight and may determine the result of the election. It will take a number of days to get any polling data though. Kind of makes today’s polls irrelevant.”
    End of Day: 8:04 pm
    + = Grasping my tiny piece of kryptonite I snuck peeks at the debate, then tuned in to sample about half a dozen pundits afterwards. To my relief, they were all giving Kerry credit for doing a strong job. I’ll be interested to see what the polls do with it.
    - = Mt. St. Helens is working itself up to blow.

  • Losings

    the sigh of a night dream losing its warmth
    the curve in the sand where your body rested
    cuts in the folds of the heart
    to go to the end of the lane and find questions
    a metaphor in another language
    the singer who falters
    the sun in the dark
    footprints back of the wasteland
    antelope dozing and wide awake lion
    the wave that is over
    the shore that is taken
    the only card in the deck that is missing
    the myth that is real in the mist of first light
    the eyes of the guilty who watched and did nothing
    only a moment to think of you
    dead leaves and old clothes and grey hair and sonnets
    and all of the ways to surrender
    pick one.

    Deep Thought: Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen’s round metal hat.
    Today I am grateful for: Not having to watch The Debate if I’m too afraid to
    Guess the Movie:     “I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” Answer: Apocalypse Now, 1979. Winner thenarrator
    Polls Today Kerry 241/Bush 273 EVP says: Tony Blair has admitted that Saddam did not have WMD. In a speech to his Labor party he said: “The evidence about Saddam having actual biological and chemical weapons as opposed to the capability to develop them has turned out to be wrong.” I wonder if the moderator of tomorrow’s debate will ask President Bush if he still maintains that Saddam had WMD. Could be interesting.

    End of Day – 8:49 pm
    + = Finally ready to rock and roll with Chapter 7 of my life story – starting tomorrow.
    - = The Debate is freaking me out. Wake me when it’s over.

  • PSALM 2004

    Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.

    He maketh me to lie down on park benches,

    He leadeth me beside the still factories,

    He restoreth my doubts about the Republican party.

    He leadeth me onto the paths of unemployment for the party’s sake.

    Yea though no weapons of mass destruction have been found, thou continueth to fear evil.

    Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy deficit spending, they do discomfort me.

    Thou anointeth me with never-ending debt,

    And my days of savings and assets are all over.

    Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of thy administration

    And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever

    Carpe Diem!!!
    (anonymous)


    Deep Thought: One bad thing about Lassie, she was always warning you about something. Let me be surprised for a change.
    Today I am grateful for: Bumper stickers
    Guess the Movie: “There’s no crying in baseball!” Answer: A League of Their Own, 1992. Winner sportsgoddess
    EVP tidbit: Former President Jimmy Carter, who has monitored elections in dozens of countries around the world, has stated that the election arrangements in Florida do not meet basic international requirements for a fair and honest election. Add four hurricanes to the controversy raging about purging from the rolls people with the same name as a convicted felon and other irregularities and you get a big problem.
    You know what pisses me off, I read in Vanity Fair’s current issue that the following rich moguls are Kerry supporters: Sumner Redstone (Viacom), Steve Jobs (Apple and Pixar), Barry Diller (IAC), Warren Buffet (Berkshire Hathaway), Steven Spielberg, David Geffen (Dreamworks), Jeff Bewkes (Time Warner), Tom Freeston (Viacom), Harvey and Bob Weinstein (Miramax), Peter Chernin (News Corp), Jeffrey Katzenberg (Dreamworks), Tom Hanks, Herb Allen (Allen & Co), Jim Wiatt (William Morris Agency), Chris Albrecht (HBO), Brian Grazer (Imagine), Edgar Bronfman Jr (Warner Music). So maybe these people are giving some bucks, but couldn’t they be speaking out, too? Every damn retired military fool is. **(%!!!**!!!!
    End of Day – 9:09 pm
    + = I don’t live in Florida.
    - = Ran out of sheet protectors for my scrapbook.

  • MONDAY BOOK

    Grace and Grit – Ken Wilber

    A year after her diagnosis of breast cancer, Treya Wilber entered a period of meditation and spiritual questioning. Ken Wilber, being already a philosopher, describes the idea of “perennial philosophy”:
    “The perennial philosophy is the worldview that has been embraced by the vast majority of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers, philosophers, thinkers, and even scientists. It’s called “perennial” or “universal” because it shows up in virtually all cultures across the globe and across the ages…And wherever we find it, it has essentially similar features…I’ll give you seven of what I think are the most important.
    1. Spirit exists.
    2. Spirit is found within.
    3. Most of us don’t realize this Spirit within, however, because we are living in a fallen or illusory state.
    4. There is a way out of this fallen state of sin and illusion, there is a Path to our liberation.
    5. If we follow this Path to its conclusion, the result is a Rebirth or Enlightenment, a     direct experience of Spirit within, a Supreme Liberation, which
    6. Marks the end of sin and suffering, and which
    7. Issues in social action of mercy and compassion on behalf of all sentient beings.

    Personally, I am totally convinced of #1 and 2. When we get to #3 and 4, I have a problem with use of the words “fallen” and “sin”. To me they are too specifically Christian-sounding, and I simply have not been able to align myself with a particular religion over my life. I guess I would say in my own words that we are born innocent and then the world as we know it sets about to pummel us with both its beauty and its toxicity. It’s been my observation that most people fall into a kind of trance of just hanging on and surviving, many become entranced by greed and power as a way of dealing with life, many are turned angry and hurtful by the experience of life, and some rise to a more spiritual level by following a “Path to our liberation.” About #5 I would cut out all those big words and just say it is possible to make inner peace and that then #6 makes sense. About #7, I think it’s possible to get to that state of inner peace without becoming a great spiritual leader, but simply being a more compassionate fellow human on a daily basis. (An interesting side note is that in 12-step programs the path is to begin by finding some kind of Higher Power early on, work your way through various character-building steps, and after reaching a state of meditative peace, to give back what you have been given.)

    Deep Thought: When I picked up the little dead mouse that my cat had killed, at first I felt sad. Then I felt hungry. I forget what happened after that.
    Today I am grateful for: Auld Lang Syne
    Guess the Movie: “Snap out of it!” Answer: Moonstruck, 1988. Winner strawberryfieldsgirl
    Polls Today Kerry 234/Bush 280. The EVP guy says: It is a quiet day on the polling front today with only six new polls. Kerry has taken over the lead in Florida again, 49% to 48%, but other than that, nothing much has changed. The big event this week is going to be the first debate. That could easily decide the outcome of the election, and both candidates will probably spend most of the week preparing for it. Personally, I’m not sure I can bear to watch the debates. I’ll have to get my info from the internet media afterwards.
    End of Day – 8:07 pm
    + = Fall-arama hanging on and I’m reveling.
    - = Where are all the guys with Big Bucks who supposedly support Kerry? How come nobody speaks out but Michael Moore?

  • PEOPLE WHO KNOCK ME OUT

    Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter

    They’re not flashy or sexy. They don’t have any good scandal to gossip about (oh there was Billy, but come on!). He’s not ruggedly handsome and she’s not a fashionplate. He just turned 80, and she’s close. He didn’t have the most glamorous presidency, but here’s just a little list of what he accomplished just in this past year:
    In February, traveled to Ghana, Togo and Mali to help eradicate Guinea worm.
    In June spent week in rural Alabama and Georgia with Habitat for Humanity, an annual tradition.
    In July, joined Carter Center staff in Indonesia to monitor first round of elections.
    In May and August traveled to Venezuela for more election monitoring.
    In August spoke at the national convention in Boston.
    And throughout the year continues to teach Sunday school in Plains and lecture once a month at Emory University. He published his 19th book, “Sharing Good Times” and is working on a sequel. And he continued with hobbies that include woodworking and oil painting. And let’s not forget he won the Nobel Peace Prize just two years ago.

    As for Rosalynn, this woman has been hard at work since her father died of leukemia when she was 13 and she helped raise the rest of her family.
    She married Jimmy 58 years ago and produced 3 sons and daughter Amy. She helped him run the family peanut-farming business, backed him in his candidacies, and conceived a lifelong dedication to fighting the stigma of mental illness and improving mental health care. Also found time to work for senior citizens, women, equal rights amendment, refugees in Cambodia, helped found the Carter Center that works to advance peace and health worldwide, has traveled with him on his peace negotiations in Bosnia, Sudan, Ethiopia, and North Korea, has published four books, and became only the third first lady named to the National Women’s Hall of Fame (joining Abigail Adams and Eleanor Roosevelt). And the list goes on.

    No, they’re not sexy and they don’t start wars. They’re just plain good people and they do peace, thank you very much.

    Deep Thought: The first time I ever tried to milk a cow at Grandpa’s farm, I didn’t even know which end of the cow to milk! Then I guess I got even dumber, because the next time I couldn’t even find the barn. Then the last time, I just went out in the woods and lived, with no clothes.
    Today I am grateful for: Center lines on streets
    Guess the Movie: “And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper.” Answer: Fargo, 1996. Winner: FlakCat
    The EVP guy is still away but I checked his Final Projected Electoral Vote Map and found it has Kerry 192/Bush 336. Read about that here What the hell is going on with all those Red People??!!!!
    End of Day: 8:39 pm
    + = Got in a nice long walk today.
    - = Xanga messed with my head this morning by subtracting my post from the Public view. I had to copy it over from the Private side along with comments. Fortunately, it seems to have pertained only to that one instance.

  • SATURDAY POEM I ADMIRE

    There’s no skipping over Frost. Four-time Pulitzer Prize winner who died at age 89 in 1963, he wrote his first poem at 20, this one at 46, and realizing his gift early on, arranged his life to devote himself to it, and was very successful and famous during his lifetime. He lived most of his life in New England and his poetry has a pastoral quality, an appreciation of nature and simplicity. I chose this poem because I’ve loved it from early on and it’s turned out to be the story of my life.


    Deep Thought: To my way of thinking, there’s nothing that can’t be cured by a big ol’ pot o beans. Except maybe bean fever.
    Today I am grateful for: Fly swatters
    Guess the Movie: “There is a silence where no sound may be, in the cold grave, under the deep, deep sea.” Answer: The Piano, 1993 Winner: thenarrator
    The EVP guy is taking a break today so no new polls, but here is the history of how my Oregon has been standing. I can attest that when I drive around Portland I see many Kerry signs and very few Bush. Of course, Portland is the big urban center and lots of Oregon is the sticks where it’s a different story. It was fascinating to spend a few hours volunteering at the local political action center yesterday entering data in the computers for them. I got the impression that there was a lot going on but it was only now beginning to come up to speed. It will be interesting to see if the debates have much effect.
    End of Day: 8:39 pm
    + = Put up a new squirrel feeder today. Hope the squirrel likes it.
    - = Sometimes I feel like a childless mother – and a long way from home.

  • Friday Five
    1) If you came upon a time machine, where would you go? Would you alter anything? Why?
    Well, I wouldn’t go into the future at this point because I’d probably land in the middle of a nuclear holocaust. I’m actually fine with staying right in the exact moment I’m in now since I’ve traveled a lot in my life, had plenty of Han Soloing, and I can find out pretty much anything about anything in the past by visiting the internet or my local library branch. I would kind of like to go back to before my Dad got sick with Alzheimer’s and sit down with him and my Mom to find out more about them. Like most children, I neglected this until it was too late – one reason I’m writing my own story now.
    2) If you managed to capture the Questing Beast, an odd combination of animal forms that is said to know the answers to all questions, what one question would you ask it? Would the answer change anything?
    What’s it all about, Alfie? Possibly. Depends what it was.
    3) You’ve found yourself a rather obedient genie in a bottle. Make your three wishes. Why, out of everything you could ask for, do these three win out?
    1. Great health and peace of mind until death in sleep on the day I decide I’m ready.
    2. Same for my children and grandchildren.
    3. Peace on earth.
    Not necessarily in that order. I figure with peace of mind and physical health, everything else is frosting.
    4) Someone presents you with a working voodoo doll. Do you use it? On who, why, and to what purpose?
    I’d be tempted to use it politically, but it’s not my style.
    5) Pick a superpower, any superpower. What and why? How would this change your life?
    My grandson would be the best expert on superpowers (at 13, he’s right in the middle of this boy phase). I was very impressed by Glinda, the good witch in Wizard of Oz as a child, and also by Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. When I wasn’t indoors reading Oz books, I was in the top of a tree on the farm where I grew up pretending to be Sheena. Today I’d love to be able to change things with a wand if I wished (well, little things anyway) and hang out in nature a lot like Sheena.

    Deep Thought: One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.
    Today I am grateful for: Last roses of summer
    Guess the Movie: “You shoot off a guy’s head with his pants down, believe me, Texas is not the place you wanna get caught.” Answer: Thelma and Louise, 1991
    Polls Today Kerry 217/Bush 311 Tidbit from EVP: One thing I did not mention yesterday but many of you mentioned is the wild swing in Wisconsin. That is indeed very fishy. But there are wild swings today too. Florida went from Kerry by 1 to Bush by 8. Even more unlikely is the change in Oregon, which went from a 12% Kerry lead yesterday to a 1% Bush lead today. Such wide swings are just not believable in the absence of major news. The only variable being changed is which pollster is doing the reporting. If you haven’t checked out the pollster page, you might want to do it to see how the map is affected by who is doing the polling.
    What the **((&!!! Oregon is now showing Barely Bush. OK, I’m going to be volunteering down at Kerry campaign headquarters this morning and I’ll see what’s what!
    End of Day: 8:39 pm
    + = Got a Vote Democratic window sign at the political action group headquarters today.
    - = Pet store out of squirrel food.

  • Lightening Up

    These are hideously serious times, but when I ran across this little list yesterday and it made me laugh I remembered how important it is not to hang out all the time in the rage end of the spectrum of emotions.

    HISTORY 2035


    - Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    - Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

    - Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon)

    - Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    - George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    - 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

    - Texas executes last remaining citizen.

    - Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

    - Baby conceived naturally…..scientists stumped.

    - Authentic year 2000 “chad” sells at Sotheby’s for $4.6 million.

    - Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

    - Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

    - Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

    - New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

    Deep Thought: Maybe it’s my imagination, but food seemed to taste better when I was a kid. Also, food would sing and dance and play musical instruments. But that could also have been my imagination.
    Today I am grateful for: Bowls
    Guess the Movie: “Walt Whitman once said, ‘I see great things in baseball. It’s our game. The American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.’ You could look it up.”
    Answer: Bull Durham, 1988 Winner: thenarrator
    Polls Today Kerry 255/Bush 273 Not much change but the EVP mentioned this riveting article by a University of Michigan professor about what would it be like if the Iraq War was in America.
    End of Day – 8:25 pm
    + = Seriously perfect fall weather today.
    - = Dentist said I have to have not one, but two crown lengthening surgeries and two new crowns after that.

  • Garden State

    Haven’t mentioned a film in awhile. Saw this at the plex this weekend. Must recommend it for Endearingly Goofy Award 2004, plus being very smart and original. Zach Braff, who stars, is apparently a new whiz on the scene who also wrote the script and possibly directed – I don’t remember. It’s a lost-boy-who-goes-home-to-New-Jersey-for-a-funeral-and-gets-found-by-love story with laughing out loud AND tearing up moments. A small movie with a big heart. Won’t be in theaters much longer. (And guess what – New Jersey just went Kerry (see below).
    Deep Thought: To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can’t remember, all rolled into one big “thing.” This is truth, to me.
    Today I am grateful for: Technicolor
    Guess the Movie: “He won’t come after me. He won’t. I can’t explain it. He would consider that….rude.”
    Answer: Silence of the Lambs, 1991. Winner: swawg
    Today’s Polls: Kerry 269/Bush 253. Can you believe it??!! Here the tidbit from the EVP:     The big news today is that Kerry is once again ahead in the electoral college by dint of his edging ahead in Florida (49% to 48%) and New Jersey (47% to 43% among RVs). However, these gains were partially offset by losses in Iowa and New Mexico. In Iowa, a new Gallup poll puts Bush ahead 48% to 43%. In New Mexico. a new Mason-Dixon poll taken Sep. 15-16 puts Bush ahead 47% to 43%, compared to Zogby’s Sept. 13-17 poll showing a Kerry lead of 54% to 42%. That is a 15% switch in a couple of days, far outside the MoE. Clearly there are serious methodological issues here. These issues far overshadow the MoE, which is why I don’t include the MoE in the spreadsheets. If one pollster is mostly sampling Democrats and another is mostly sampling Republicans, the MoE doesn’t mean a lot.
    P.S. For those who eschew polls, I’ve been watching the Electoral Vote Predictor (see sidebar) precisely because whoever is doing that page seems to be taking everything into account about poll accuracy and also seems to have a liberal leaning. If you take the time to look at the page, you’ll see what I mean.
    End of Day – 8:34 pm
    + = Completed a month of daily meditation today. It’s helping.
    - = Dentist in the morning but it’s only an evaluation for surgery.

  • The Lynching of Dan Rather


    (update - if you want to email Dan Rather for support here’s the address:  evening@cbsnews.com)


    Just what we need at this moment 6 weeks out from the election is a big stupid media mistake. I swear I am bordering on becoming a conspiracy theorist, stomping around my house muttering about how the Republicans somehow set this all up to bolster their run to keep the White House. I’m getting the picture that Rather was one of the very few guys in the news business who had any liberal clout, which I actually didn’t know about him before. Read this article for more information from a hopefully nonbiased news source:
    The ‘lynching’ of Dan Rather
    On British TV, Rather admitted fearing the price of ‘asking questions’
    “It’s that fear that keeps journalists from asking the toughest of the tough questions,” the aging American journalist told the British television audience.

    In June 2002, Dan Rather looked old, defeated, making a confession he dare not speak on American TV about the deadly censorship — and self-censorship — which had seized US newsrooms. After September 11, news on the US tube was bound and gagged. Any reporter who stepped out of line, he said, would be professionally lynched as un-American.

    “It’s an obscene comparison,” he said, “but there was a time in South Africa when people would put flaming tires around people’s necks if they dissented. In some ways, the fear is that you will be necklaced here. You will have a flaming tire of lack of patriotism put around your neck.” No US reporter who values his neck or career will “bore in on the tough questions.” Read rest of article here



    Deep Thought: I remember one day I was at Grandpa’s farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, “Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don’t we go out to the horse pasture and I’ll show you.” So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having sex.
    Today I am grateful for: Counting to ten
    Guess the Movie: “Bonjour, Papa.” Answer: Breaking Awayy, 1979
    Now for the Good News: Polls Today: Kerry/239, Bush/256 From EVP: Of the 16 battleground states, Zogby has Kerry ahead in 11 and Bush ahead in 5. Since I round the numbers to integers, my result is 9 states for Kerry, 5 states for Bush, with Florida, and Arkansas tied, even though Kerry is fractionally ahead in both. The net effect is that Kerry has closed the gap in the electoral college from a Bush lead of 116 yesterday to only 17 today, a net gain of 99 votes in the electoral college. Kerry picked up Iowa, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. AND my beloved Oregon has returned to being Strong Kerry.
    End of Day – 8:13 pm
    + = The perfect fall day and it’s solstice time.
    - = More beheading thanks to Bush today.