Fear

I ran across this poem about it to share:

MY FEAR IS MY GREATEST WEAKNESS

If I had my life to live over I would be less afraid:
To speak up.
To speak out.
To speak the hard stuff.
To break silences, everywhere.
To be myself, truly.
Of the consequences of being myself.
Of speaking out.
Of telling my story.
Of asking for what I wanted,
            instead of just settling for what was offered,    
            believing that was all I was worth or deserved.
To be alone.
Of the outcome.
Of my writing hurting my family.
Of how people would respond to my history.
Of asking for help.
Of taking help that is offered.
Of standing up for myself.
Of walking away.
Of never making it.
Of being a failure.
Of making a fool of myself.
Of believing in myself.
Of saying NO.
Of saying YES.
Of following my own path.
Of believing that I am led.
Of believing that life is THAT magical.
Of the grief that lives inside of me like an ache
            and calls itself HOPE.

© 1998 Dora E. McQuaid
Deep Thought:  I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.
Today I am grateful for:  Remaining teachable

1964

Found in an old diary from my own dharmabum days in Paris where I was busy being heartbroken behind romance. And this was even BEFORE the Haight-Ashbury. Funny, I’d probably say the same thing today. You can take the girl out of the drama, but you can’t take the drama out of the girl.

Deep Thought: If you ever discover that what you’re seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.

Today I am grateful for: Jack Kerouac and all his progeny

Hands Free

Reminded by a post from crossg this morning, I looked up the subject of cell phone safety and found a page of helpful information here. I then did a quick search and found you can order a hands free kit for a handy life-saving $50 from sites like this one. Here’s what it says there:

————————————————————————
Navigator® Plus Car Kit
Drive Safely!
The advanced Navigator® Plus Car Kit system plugs into your dash and turns your cellphone into a quality car speakerphone. What’s new is an external clip-on mike, so your voice will be heard loud and clear – even in a convertible.
An easier way to communicate while driving a car.
Features:
* built in speaker
* saver & charger
* adjustable holder (horizontally & vertically)
* attractive design
* built-in volume control
* high quality microphone
* easy to use
* Includes extension
For Touchpoint 5200 LG 5200
Price:  $79.95
Sale Price: $49.95
Savings: $30.00
———-

And hopefully you can share this with someone you know who drives and phones a lot and thereby head off a disaster. Good luck.
Deep Thought: In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.
Today I am grateful for: Knees

THINGS THAT REFRESH MY SOUL

Recovery

This subject doesn’t come up much in Xangaland, but I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that it is the single most important feat I have managed in my life without exception. The illness of chemical addiction touches virtually every family in some way, and in my case it began in my youth when I was prescribed various prescription drugs routinely doled out to highly strung folks, and then with the way paved to find the answers through pharmaceuticals I became a wine “connoisseur” in college and then entered the ’60′s a prime candidate for the psychedelic Haight-Ashbury (where I actually did live) way of life. From there on it was a long downhill slide out the other side of flower childhood and back to drinking and prescription medication. I was 45 before I found the way out that worked for me in 12-step programs. Like a mole emerging from a life underground, I began a new life in the light and now 20 years later can say that I know a lot about how to stay here. I used to be Out There, and now I’m just In Here. Too. My regards to all the thousands of others who have traveled this path and survived.

Deep Thought: I don’t think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.
Today I am grateful for: Family ties

The Year

The first season is a brush
with innocence.

One finishes the year behind
the sickle, and beyond the step
of God.

Deep Thought: When I pick up a handful of sand at the beach and let it dribble through my fingers, I think, Man, this is not a very good vacation.
Today I am grateful for: Plumbers even though they cost a fortune

FridayFive

This morning, thanks to CazzaC, I discovered the concepts of Memes and Blogging Forward. And thereby found my old favorite, FridayFive, which I shall adopt again:

1. What is the creepiest everyday object you know?
The toilet plunger I am at this very time using to try to unplug my toilet. I fear I’m going to have to call the plumber and probably ransom my life.
2. What’s the most useful everyday item?
Catfood. To keep these little fiends who live at my house at bay.
3. What’s the most useless everyday item?
Ice cream bars (if you’re trying to lose a little weight).
4. If the power was out for 24 hours, what would you do?
Use candles. Read books. Light a fire if the weather permitted. Use the phone if it worked. Go to a movie if it was daytime and I wasn’t at work. Be frustrated and pray not to be.
5. If you had to have one item you use everyday surgically attached to you, what would it be, and why?
My calendar without which nothing would ever get done or remembered.
Deep Thought: Instead of a welcome mat, what about just a plain mat and a little loudspeaker that says “welcome” over and over again?
Today I am grateful for: Generosity of spirit
Blog Forward To: The Angel Lady who I think IS an Angel and sees the world through magical lenses.

Eyewitness

I almost missed this comment to my blog because it came a day late, but having found it feel it should be shared:

“I am an American Soldier. I personally have been to Iraq and back. I spent countless days and nights wondering whether or not I would live to see the next day. I watched some of the greatest people and the best friends I have ever had injured and killed. I honestly wish we never would have gone to Iraq. I did however see good things happening while I was there, but do the good deeds and kind acts add up for all the misguided actions and loss of lives?

My company finally returned to Germany in February after a long year in Iraq, but not with everyone we deployed with. Those of us who made it home safely were relieved, as our families met us at the front gate of our post. We all had our close calls, we all have our mental and physical scars to show. Those in our company with Purple Hearts can tell you what its like to see hell. The sad thing is that we are shortly deploying back to Iraq. We are working hard to get our equipment back into good working condition just to be sent back to that God forsaken country where neither their or our people want us. We don’t even want to go back. While we were there we told ourselves that it was for a good cause, but we had to actually believe our own lies to make it through with our sanity intact. What good are we doing for our country if we are just being slaughtered like cattle? My platoon was forced into hostile situations where we COULD NOT fire back because of the presence of Iraqi civillians. If we were to accidently hit one we would be raped by the Geneva Conventions. We could not fire to save our own lives.

In one instance, while taking a brief stop from a convoy heading north to Mosul. We began recieving hostile fire. We took cover behind and under our vehicles. It was a woman, using her son as a human shield. No one could believe their eyes. The boy looked like he was no older than 12. We all continued to take cover behind our vehicles. One of the soldiers from my team stood up, ignoring the volley of pot shots the woman was taking, took aim, and fired. It was a perfect shot. The round he fired hit the woman in the head, nuetralizing the threat instantly. The soldier did not realize that his M16A2 rifle was on Three Round Burst. After the first round fired killed the woman, the second and third struck the boy in the chest and the right leg above the knee. We called in a medivac for the child as one of our medics tried desperately to aid him, but that boy did not survive. The soldier responsible killing the mother and the child was harshly punished under the Geneva Conventions and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. I am full of grief for the young life that was lost, but the fact that a soldier was punished for protecting the lives of his comrades and himself is extremely disturbing. At times we are like dogs to do our masters bidding, but can’t bite a stranger for the well being of those we serve without being put to sleep ourselves.

I personally would like to see all the Coalition Forces pull out of Iraq. If it is really to the world’s best interest in helping these people, we should let them sort out their own problems and back them up with their decisions. Instead of speading miilions on a war that brings nothing but an ever growing pile of bodies, insist them where they need it financially. We have enough problems of our own in the U.S., but for some reason our leaders are more interested in the well being of other nations. If we really want to prevent future terrorist attacks I honestly don’t think invading other countries is going to accomplish anything. Its an internal problem. We have to not give others a reason to target us. If we go around waving a big red, white, and blue flag flaunting our nation and spitting on others, than we are giving others a reason to hate us. It never stops. Everytime I’m somewhere there is always some one being loud, vulgar, and rude, and its another American. It would be one thing if I was in America, but the fact that it happens when I’m all over Europe and the rest of the world. People like that make my life alot harder. Everywhere I go I am hated, because of the uniform I wear. I’m going to stop while I’m ahead. If you really want to hear anymore, I’ll talk. I really just get sick of it though. I don’t even watch the news anymore because all they ever talk about is the war. I don’t want to even think about it. I don’t want to remember it. I wish none of it had ever happened.” From Man_of_Doom.
Deep Thought: A QUIZ: If I am my brother’s brother, who am I? (Answer: me.)
Today I am grateful for: Candor

Some People

just hang around on the couch all day watching videos and eating bonbons.  This is Tubb’s favorite.

Click here

Deep Thought:  Before a mad scientist goes mad, there’s probably a time when he’s only partially mad. And this is the time when he’s going to throw his best parties.
Today I am grateful for:  Couches

A Little News from the Front

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The U.S. Senate on Monday backed the Bush administration’s ban on media coverage of the flag-draped caskets of dead soldiers being received at Dover Air Base, despite complaints that the policy was an attempt to mask the rising death toll in Iraq.

Republicans who control a Senate majority defeated an amendment pushed by Democrats to make the Pentagon write new rules to allow media coverage of the return of the remains of soldiers to the United States.

The Pentagon has barred coverage of the return of remains flown from Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany to Dover Air Base in Delaware since the 1991 Gulf War under former President George H.W. Bush.

The Clinton administration made exceptions, but President Bush reimposed the ban when the Pentagon issued a directive on the eve of the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq.

As a result, “The over 830 service men and women who died in Iraq passed through a politically imposed void hiding the truth,” Sen. Frank Lautenberg, a New Jersey Democrat, said in floor debate on the issue last week.

Instead of protecting the soldiers’ families, Lautenberg said, “This policy has everything to do with keeping the country from facing the realities of war, shielding Americans from the high price our young service people are paying.”

See rest of article.

Deep Thought:  They were a proud people. In fact, some said they were too proud. If you asked them why they were so proud, they’d just laugh and say, “We’re not even going to answer that.”
Today I am grateful for:  Internet news options

Father, returning from the hay-harvest, your face, as I remember, full of nothing, like the sky is emptied from its long day’s battle with the anxious birds. And I was timid, but I touched your head, the pollen on your hands, and felt you resting. And I planted, under all the garlands I had built into my hair, a stem from the anemone you brought me home.

The scattered fields of polished stacks and ambushed earth were always waiting. After I had risen, we went out together and they whispered, yonder comes the mad haymaker and his child. They knew you were the actor of my season and observed me follow faithfully across a stage of sun and grass. All day with diligence we worked to paralyze the flood and turn it from its sweating path, till finally the night with black sarcasm ranged itself in sudden recklessness above the grain. And leaning on your arm, I led you slowly back.

In time I had to flow, with what was coming to my heart, another way, but my resolves are saturated with the past and what I place upon the tables of my judges is the working of that graceful tune into a larger song. Be certain that this child is yours, and even ashes will not translate her into a different house.

I memorized in innocence the pure fugue of those years. Immediate and constant is the heart I proffer in salute to him who gave me courage rather than security to wear – the sides of time will see us pass in other voyages of love.
Deep Thought: It’s funny how two simple words, “I promise,” will stall people for a while.
Today I am grateful for: Grain