Academy Awards 2004

One of my very favorite pastimes is to watch this extravaganza each year. I just hope I don’t fall asleep before it’s over. Maybe I’ll take a nap this afternoon to prepare. I saw all 5 Best Picture nominees and frankly was not 100% satisfied with any of them (though to be fair, I’d read the books of Seabiscuit and Mystic River before I saw them and it kind of spoiled them a bit – Seabiscuit because the book was even better, and Mystic River because I knew the twists of the plot). OK, I can see that Lord of the Rings is going to win and probably should because of the effort, who can deny that? But I’m one of the very few people in the world who wasn’t blown away by it. As for Lost in Translation, I’m thrilled that Bill Murray, one of my very favorite actors, should be getting long overdue attention for a great part, but the film itself was a bit too glitzy for me. Master and Commander is probably a great example of the seafaring genre, but too much of a manly man’s movie for my taste. I guess if I had to choose, I’d choose Mystic River, because it is getting overlooked and because Sean Penn and Tim Robbins are two of my favorite acting folks because of their talent and because they speak out politically and take the crap they get in return with a fair amount of grace. I hope Penn wins Best Actor, even if he doesn’t show up (which would be just like him). He’s matured over the years from the cocky kid he once was and greatly deserves it. And even though I haven’t seen the film, I hope Charlize Theron wins Best Actress because she really took a risk for such a beauty to play this complex ugly damaged woman. See you at the Red Carpet!
Deep Thought: Maybe it’s my imagination, but food seemed to taste better when I was a kid. Also, food would sing and dance and play musical instruments. But that could also have been my imagination.
Today I am grateful for: Being able to start drawing Social Security this year before it’s too damn late

I am
I am the grass –
unnoticed but deep green,
teeming with complex life,
holding up the sky and down the earth,
subject to death by fire,
blown by wind,
soddened by water,
and I persist.

(inspired by lovingmy40′s challenge)
Deep Thought: I’m not sure it’s good to think back to my childhood memories, because I end up feeling happy and sad at the same time, and that gives me a weird “neutral” feeling.
Today I am grateful for: The rest of my life
P.S. Thanks for all the lovely wishes for my (semi)retirement. I plan to build a darkroom and do more photography, finish my life story, write more poetry, return to playing the piano, find new friends and lovers, and keep wearing purple as I have all my life.

Friday Five

Well, this Friday it was closed, so I went back to a previous one. By the way, check out the Wolf Cam I posted in my lefthand sidebar. Thank you Karenellen


1. List your five favorite beverages.
I don’t take that much pleasure in imbibing fluids. But what I drink the most is decaffeinated coffee with hazelnut creamer, diet decaffeinated coke (yes, you can develop a taste for it, but I’d like to quit because I know it’s no good for you), water cooler water or bottled water (for health reasons – I hate water), bottled cold frappacinos in the summer, and skim milk.
2. List your five favorite websites.
Trolling random Xanga blogs, Delphi forums, Deep Thoughts (by Jack Handey), the local county library, IMDB (the movie review database), and Amazon.com.
3. List your five favorite snack foods.
Mixed nuts, red or green grapes, wheat thins, Eskimo Pies (sugarless), and Klondikes (sugarless).
4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
Cranium Cadoo, Regular Cranium, Chess, and that’s about it. Don’t get to play much.
5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.
Don’t play game systems. Play Roof Rats in After Dark games on my computer every time I have to sit and wait for somebody to show up, to kill time.
Deep Thought: If they ever build a statue of me, I hope they don’t have me with my mouth wide open and holding a sign that says “I love rotten eggs.”
Today I am grateful for: The innocence of children
P.S.By the way, today is my last day of full-time work of my life (I hope). I’m retiring to work part-time from now on. Big Rite of Passage.

Try Try Again

So after waiting the obligatory month for an appointment, I got to the new doctor’s clinic early, signed in easily, was called back to the room to wait. And waited freaking 45 minutes for the doctor to finally come in. During this time, one of the roving nurses opined that she was “overbooked.” Now I was intending to make this person my new PCP and also to get my yearly physical. When she finally did come in, after a less than enthusiastic apology for being so late, she rushed through some basic questions that I had already answered on a form, asking some of them twice right in a row, like “Do you smoke?” two seconds and “Do you smoke?” Then when she got the picture I was expecting a physical, she whipped out one of those little pointer light things and shone it in my ears and nose and mouth so fast I’m sure she saw nothing. She checked my heart while I’m still just sitting in the office chair and felt my tummy and my ankles. All of this at the speed of light. Clearly, she didn’t have time for the pap smear so I said it could wait. All of this took about 10 minutes for which I’m sure I’ll be billed at least $300. What I did get accomplished was to have her order a screening colonoscopy for me. She said it would be about 2 weeks before I’d hear from the scheduler because that’s how long it took to get the orders in. Needless to say, I’m going to have to look further for a new primary care doc. That was ridiculous and scary. And enraging. Try try again.
Deep Thought: The way I see it, kids need exercise more than they need ice cream. So when I worked as an ice cream man, driving an ice cream truck, I would try to drive fast enough that the kid wouldn’t catch me, but not so fast that he’d give up right away. Some kids will chase you for eight or nine blocks.
Today I am grateful for: Perspective

Yin
	The black side of the familiar yin and yang symbol (the Tai Chi T’u) is the yin side. It stands for the softer, quieter, darker, cooler, calmer qualities. Of course, Yin and Yang are said to attract each other and be part of each other: nothing (and no one) is completely yin or completely yang. (That’s what the little opposite-colored dots mean). Take quiz

Are you more yin or yang?  That’s my result above.

Fun Fun Fun

Today I get to go have my yearly physical and meet a new primary care doc. I hope to god I like her because the last one was a tyrant. I did see the GI doc last week and he felt it would be prudent to go ahead and have a colonoscopy. So I’ll have to have this new doctor schedule it for me. I am feeling better and relieved just to have talked to a specialist about things.

The guy from the Homeless Shelter foundation came by yesterday to get the information about my old Toyota that I’m going to donate as a tax writeoff. By the time I get home today it will probably be gone for good, towed away. That little car was a good friend for 10 years. I hope they take care of it. Well, I’m off to work. Three more days and I’ll be officially retired.
Deep Thought: There was probably an old Viking saying that said, “Ax in the head, early to bed; ax in the helmet, a friend of Helmut.”
Today I am grateful for: Honest mechanics, though I’m not sure I’ve ever met one

Joy

OK, I found one little simple thing yesterday that filled me with joy. This is actually rare, as I find life in general challenging each and every day and usually close to overwhelming. I feel peaceful fairly often, but not joyful. I’m even suspicious of joy because you have to crash from it in my experience. Anyway…..I discovered how to burn a music CD with 17 of my favorite pieces of music on it. Then I played it in my New Used Car with the CD player as I drove around after work. I even turned it up pretty loud like the young people do. Oh joy!
Deep Thought: The tiger can’t change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!
Today I am grateful for: Music

night/day

The boat in which I had been riding was carved inside and burned by the moon. Toward the end of its journey, I rejoiced to see a picture of my face below its floor with dawn beside it. Something ended and I woke.
A window brings itself above me, closed and frightened. At the sill I sense felicity with twirling eyes and melting, I approach. The floor tilts, time runs backwards. Lost, I stirred and slept again.
One oar is missing…

(written in my youth)
______________
Deep Thought: I remember the first time I ever went to the museum and saw the mummy. At first I was afraid of it. So, to get over my fear, I started pointing at the mummy and doing a funny little dance. But then I couldn’t stop doing the dance. Something made me dance faster and faster until finally I fell on the floor. Even then I couldn’t stop doing the dance. I flailed about helplessly, yelling some weird Egyptian words! Then I think I passed out, from hitting my head on the marble floor. Now, I’m happy to say, I’m no longer afraid of the mummy, mainly because I don’t go there anymore.
Today I am grateful for: Prose poetry

Sunday

Just to update on the week’s dramatic festivities: Found out my check cleared for the New Used Car. Now I just have to wait for the title in the mail. Had to get the sticker changed at work for parking to the new car. Had to clean out the old Toyota to get it ready to call and donate it for a tax write-off. I’m going to be sad to see it go somehow. Strange how you can anthropomorphize even a car. I used to give it a little kiss on its dashboard from time to time and say “good little car, you’re a good little car.”
Friday morning I found out the little period of having to post my job because I’m retiring/rehiring part-time was passed and I’m rehired. So as of March 2, I’ll be working 4 days a week. God, that’s going to feel different. I’ll be able to attend my women’s Recovery home group every Friday for the first time for one thing. Who knows what great creative pranks I can get up to with one extra day a week. And 3 months later, I’ll be going to half -time. Omigod!

And finally, I got to see the GI doctor for a consult. What a Keystone Kops day that was. I had planned to leave work with 45 minutes to drive from SW Portland to NE Portland to the clinic. Just as I was going to leave about 3 people came in with rush things that had to be done, including the Big Boss. I lost 15 minutes. Then I drove probably too fast to get there, walked in and discovered in the 7 years since I’d last seen this doctor he’d moved to another office 25 blocks up the street. So I was gasping for air by the time I got to the right place. It was a calming visit though. Just talking to him helped dispel the anxiety I’ve had for the last 7 weeks that I may be working on colon cancer. He said I should have a colonoscopy anyway, so I’ll have to schedule that this next week. Really nothing has changed till I know the outcome of that, but I FEEL better. So now it’s off into a new week. Hope everyone else’s crises resolved and you have miracles ahead. (And by the way, thanks to a certain little Strawberry bird out there for the prayers.)
Deep Thought: Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet? And also, you’re drunk.
Today I am grateful for: How Time flies when you’re having fun

Runaway Jury

Usually I mention little indy films cuz I watch a lot of them, but this is one mainstream movie I enjoyed. Basic Grisham plot – aspects of the law. Great suspense. Some of my favorite actors. And like often, a great song played with the ending credits, which I hadn’t heard before. It’s Norah Jones take on a Dylan song called Heart of Mine:

Heart of mine be still,
You can play with fire but you’ll get the bill.
Don’t let her know
Don’t let her know that you love her.
Don’t be a fool, don’t be blind
Heart of mine.

Heart of mine go back home,
You got no reason to wander, you got no reason to roam.
Don’t let her see
Don’t let her see that you need her.
Don’t put yourself over the line
Heart of mine.

Heart of mine go back where you been,
It’ll only be trouble for you if you let her in.
Don’t let her hear
Don’t let her hear you want her.
Don’t let her know she’s so fine
Heart of mine.

Heart of mine you know that she’ll never be true,
She’ll only give to others the love that she’s gotten from you.
Don’t let her know
Don’t let her know where you’re going.
Don’t untie the ties that bind
Heart of mine.

Heart of mine so malicious and so full of guile,
Give you an inch and you’ll take a mile.
Don’t let yourself fall Don’t let yourself stumble.
If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime
Heart of mine.
____
Deep Thought: As I walked through the woods, I looked up and saw a squirrel. I smiled and he smiled. At least I think it was a smile. My teeth were showing and my cheeks were pulled up. That’s a smile, isn’t it? (The squirrel was definitely smiling.)
Today I am grateful for: Back yards